Big (Huge + Collosal) Magic.
Dedicated to the love of my life, Kamara. I thank you always for your love, your vision, your honesty, your truth and your being.
I had a moment a few hours ago. A thought I want to cradle and hold like a precious and loved one. Thought: I’m excited about my life. I’m excited about what it’s going to be, and who and how I’m going to be and I’m excited for the journey to discover my being. I will retract and reissue these statements numerous times throughout the year but that’s okay.
When someone shares things they adore with you there’s a quiet trust instilled in that. Here, they say. Here is this thing, this person that I love. In these pages, in these words, in this action, in that movement are moments that made me think and feel. Here are thoughts that challenged and replenished me. Here is something that made me feel intesely and I want you to feel this with me. So here, they say, please feel them too. And so I was gifted Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and depsite taking me 2 years to finish, I felt intensely too.
For the most part, Gilbert isn’t particularly memorable to me, but within those pages I felt fully the vivacity and extent of life that people deem exciting. Life was more than dull shades of slow and fast-moving greys but instead an enriching, curious, constant ebb and flow that I wanted to take part it. And today I think of Gilbert because of this excitement that I feel. This reminder, once again that I will always be okay. I will always be on track to be in a better place even if I’m not there now. My path is so bright and enlightened even on the dullest of days and it’s so cool to know that I’m not stuck somewhere forever. I cannot be stuck because then, the bright days will never come.
“Oh, but you misunderstand! It’s not permanent. It’s just temporary.”
But dull days still have purpose. I, like many others, suffer from incessant idealisation. When it rains, it pours and I can only exist and live if the sun shines. I mean, have you ever experienced British weather? Nonetheless, dull days are great for recuperating and feeling. They’re great for reflecting, slowing down, breathing but also for being nothing more than dull days. They don’t have to be significant beyond just being what they are. That’s pretty okay too. In the heat of the moment, in the chaos of light sometimes I’m rash, I’m quick to act, speak, do. I’m reliant on the light to guide me to a freedom that isn’t necessarily bad, just not for me.
The message of Big Magic, as with many other works is the reminder that your life is your own. Your life is yours to make mistakes in. Yours to feel what and when and how you need to feel. Yours to eventually get up and make something of in a way that satisfies your spirit. Your life is yours to mould and inspire and create and learn from and love. Even in the midst of inspiration and motivation from others; in the light and awe of everyone else you must never forget, your life is yours. It is unique to you. Your experiences won’t always look how you or others think it to but it is your duty to self, God, the universe et al, to share your beauty.
Here’s to Big Magic I guess. To seeing my life beyond the external and the cinematic but as an living and changing, evolving body of work.
Side note: I notice I write a lot of the same thing in different ways? Anyway, hoping this pushes me to proper explore and love writing again. And build confidence!